I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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