just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
