So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
