You're so nebulous sometimes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
