Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
