Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
