Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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