38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
