around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
