He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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