Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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