Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
