he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
