first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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