Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
