Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Say something about gay babies.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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