Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
