At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
