Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
