Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drake has all the answers
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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