I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
