He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
