apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
