so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
