i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
