in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
