SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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