im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm really busy with my period
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