paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
