I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
