That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
