im holly from the hills drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
