I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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