You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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