Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
