Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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