You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
