The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
