1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
