So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
