I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
