we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
