he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
