wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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