Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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