i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
