Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
