Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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