What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When are your genitals available?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
