so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
